So the whole point of this "I Finally Watched..." series is so that I can watch and talk "classic" movies that I haven't seen yet, movies that allegedly are so bad that they're good, and any other movie that solicits a surprised reaction from people when I tell them that I haven't seen yet. The first three movies were all critically acclaimed. "Gladiator" and "Titanic" were movies that people were surprised to hear that I had not seen yet. "It's A Wonderful Life" was a classic movie that I had not seen yet. And so before I start randomly choosing movies from the list I compiled for this series I decided that I should probably include a movie that is allegedly so bad that it's good. And with today being Christmas, I chose one that is quite a doozy.
And so without further adieu the next movie in this series is Nicholas Webster's infamous 1964 holiday sci-fi movie 'Santa Claus Conquers The Martians'. Yes, that is the actual title of the movie and yes a movie titled that actually got released into theaters. This is yet another movie where I can't quite pinpoint the first time I had heard about this movie. I know I kept coming across it while looking up lists of the worst movies ever made but like I said I can't pinpoint when that was. I know that I at least had first heard about it a few years ago because I watched a video on the review site That Guy With The Glasses that had one of the various reviewers review a comic book adaptation of the movie, and clips from the movie were shown. Various podcasts and other shows I listened to also talked about 'Santa Claus Conquers The Martians'. And at the AMC movie theater in Muncie they were advertising a RiffTrax of 'Santa Claus Conquers The Martians' as part of their Fathom Events. I never go to any of the Fathom Events, so I didn't go see it.
So have I made any previous attempts to watch this movie? Of course not! But that all changed as I started compiling my list for this series and I noticed that 'Santa Claus Conquers The Martians' was on Netflix...
'Santa Claus Conquers The Martians' follows Martian leader Kimar (Leonard Hicks) as he realizes that his children Girmar (Pia Zadora) and Bomar (Chris Month) are watching a lot of 'Earth programs' and are becoming more and more unhappy after watching a live interview of Santa Claus (John Call) at the North Pole. After consulting an 800-year old Martian sage, Kimar decides that the only way to make his children happy, along with the rest of the Martian children, is to kidnap Santa Claus and bring him to Mars to make toys and bring happiness. Kimar and company also abduct two Earth children Billy (Victor Stiles) and Betty (Donna Conforti), who told the Martians where to find Santa Claus.
Upon release...well, reviews weren't too kind and history hasn't been kind to it either. It currently sits at a 25% at RT and is number 83 on the Bottom 100 movies on the Internet Movie Database (IMDb). It repeatedly has shown up on lists of the worst movies ever made. It gained more notoriety when it was featured in a 1990's episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. I've also heard that Comedy Central will also air it around this time of year.
So having sat down and finally watched the so-called travesty known as 'Santa Claus Conquers The Martians', what did I think of it? First and foremost, this is by no means a good movie. Even for 1964, it still looks ridiculously cheap and lazy. Apart from green face paint and a funny looking hat there's hardly any difference between the humans and the Martians. The Martians still speak English, still eat food that's commonly found on Earth (except in a pill form), and seem to be able to perfectly adjust to the difference between Earth air and Martian air. A "polar bear" chases after Billy and Betty at the North Pole but it's so obviously a man in a very cheap looking polar bear suit and doesn't make any effort whatsoever to try and make it otherwise. Santa himself comes off as very strange, laughing at very random moments for no reason whatsoever or at whatever not-funny joke Santa had just told. There's an extremely cheap giant robot that looks like a toy that the Martians use to do their bidding. The acting is alright...but let's face it these actors aren't exactly given much to work with. The dialogue...well, most of the things coming out of there mouths just feels forced and unnatural. And you know what? Billy, Betty, and Santa all take getting kidnapped EXTREMELY WELL considering that they have been kidnapped by Martians who nobody knows anything about. Also, minor spoiler alert: There is no actual conquering of any sort in this movie. It is by far the cheapest looking movie I've ever seen and I completely agree that it's not exactly a good movie but I can't deny that I got some enjoyment out of watching this movie. It's so cheap, so bizarre, so weird, so stupid that it IS worth watching. Just know what you're getting into if you ever decide to watch this movie. Not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination so don't say that I thought it was a good movie. I'm merely saying that I liked it as a bad movie.
So that's 'Santa Claus Conquers The Martians'. I know at this point I'm probably repeating myself, but I'm always asking for input. If you like this new series, let me know. If you dislike this, let me know. If you feel that I should quit this entirely and actually get out of my house and look for a real job, let me know. While I do have a list for this that I've made up I'll still take suggestions for movies that I possibly haven't seen. Leave a comment on Facebook, reply on my Twitter account, leave a comment below, talk to me, text me, read my mind, dictate a letter, carve hieroglyphs, make cave paintings, etc.
So for the rest of this series I will be taking movies from a list of 100 movies that I compiled together a few weeks ago. This list contains classic movies, bad movies, and other movies that people were surprised to hear that I hadn't watched yet. Simply put I will be Google searching "random number generator" and randomly generating a number between 1 and 100. Whatever number comes up, I will be watching the movie that corresponds with it. I probably will not end up going through this entire list, but we'll see. Okay...time to randomly pick a number....
After picking the number and looking up the corresponding movie, all I will say about this next movie is that it is an 80's comedy that has spawned two sequels.
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