REVIEWS - 'Machete Kills' and 'Captain Phillips'

'Machete Kills' (R) **1/2
Once again they messed with the wrong Mexican!  Machete (Danny Trejo) is recruited by the President (Charlie Sheen, listed in the credits by his real name Carlos Estevez) to stop a revolutionary with multiple personality disorder (Demian Bechir) from launching a missile at Washington D.C.  Along the way Machete has to deal with man-hating madam Desdemona (Sofia Vergara) and her brothel (including a grown up Alexa Vega from 'Spy Kids' and Vanessa Hudgens), a master of disguise assassin known as El Chameleon (Walter Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lady Gaga, and Antonio Banderas), Miss San Antonio (Amber Heard), a racist border town sheriff (William Sadler) and an arms dealer (Mel Gibson) who might just pose the bigger threat.  The first 'Machete', based off of a fake trailer during the exploitation homage movie 'Grindhouse', was awesome.  It was funny, gratuitous, bloody, and dumb - and that's the point.  'Machete Kills' has it's moments, but most of the time it just comes off as just plain stupid instead of entertainingly stupid.  It's violent and bloody, but it didn't really do anything for me.  There is some laughs to be had but its not as funny as the first movie.  Mel Gibson (who I last saw in 'The Beaver'.....strange movie to say the least) and Demian Bichir (who I last saw as Sandra Bullock's boss in 'The Heat'.....hilarious movie) are both clearly having fun with their respective villainous roles.  It's also a little lengthy - this movie doesn't need to be 107 minutes.  There are many side characters and subplots that could've been removed entirely  Overall, the second 'Machete' gets duller but it's not without it's moments.  This movie opens and closes with a fake trailer for 'Machete Kills Again...In Space', which looks even dumber but I'd gladly pay to see it based on the title alone and the fact that during the trailer Danny Trejo has a lightsaber machete battle with the main villain, 'The Man With The Silver Mask'.  That alone is more awesome than anything else in 'Machete Kills'.  


'Captain Phillips' (PG-13) ***
Now for a much different movie.  Captain Richard Phillips (Tom Hanks) is in charge of the Maersk Alabama when, in April 2009, it is hijacked just off the coast of Somalia by Somali pirates led by Muse (Barkhad Abdi).  To the pirates, the mission is simple:   Hijack the ship, collect the ransom, pay the ransom to their bosses, and nobody gets hurt.  To Captain Phillips, it's not so simple:  protect the crew at all costs, try and get the pirates off of the ship, and stay calm because help will be on the way eventually.  The movie covers his grueling ordeal, trying to protect his crew from harm through his captivity by the pirates on a lifeboat headed towards Somalia.  Much like 'Zero Dark Thirty' and 'Argo' we already know how this movie is going to end.  But that doesn't mean that it's any less suspenseful.  But while it is suspenseful in some scenes the movie itself has some pacing issues that make it drag out, leaving me not in suspense but wanting to just move the story along. It took awhile to get used to Hanks' Boston accent, but once I was able to get used to it I thought he did very well as the titular captain.  The first time actors playing the Somali pirates also do very well, particularly Abdi as the leader Muse.  They're portrayed sympathetically.  Basically if they don't follow through with the hijacking, they'll also have a gun to their head by the warlord ruling their village.  Overall for the most part I liked it.  Good acting, suspenseful scenes, but drags a little bit.