Tuesday, May 27, 2014

6 Sequels That Sucked - Volume II


My second post about sequels which is a sequel to another post about sequels.  Here are six more sequels that I thought just flat out sucked for one reason or another.  Even worse was that these were all disappointing.  Some of these are worse than the others.  Heck, I've seen four of these more than once.  But just because I've rewatched them doesn't mean my opinion has changed. 







'Die Another Day' (PG-13)
James Bond (Pierce Brosnan) is sent to investigate the connection between a North Korean terrorist and a diamond mogul who is funding the development of an international space weapon. 

Admittedly, this movie isn't half bad.  And I'll admit Madonna's title song is rather catchy.  But once the movie moves to the ice palace it goes off the rails and then some.  Sure Bond movies aren't known for their realism or their plausibility, but this stretches things too far...even for a Bond movie.  It stretches things even more than 'Moonraker', and that movie sent Bond into space!  'Die Another Day' also suffers from some rather sketchy CGI, even worse puns, forced references to every previous Bond movie, inconsistent pacing, and a not very good villain with a twist that, for lack of a better word, is stupid.  The mixed reception towards this movie made the producers decide to reboot the Bond franchise.  Now while I didn't like this very much, being a Bond fan I'll still watch it.  Heck, I've seen this more times than some other Bond movies that I've actually liked.  Then again whenever I've rewatched it I just kinda make fun of it, but still.  Come to think of it, I really should thank this movie.  After all, if it was an overwhelming critical AND commercial success, we wouldn't have gotten 'Casino Royale' or 'Skyfall'.  The less said about 'Quantum of Solace' the better. 




 'The Mummy:  Tomb of the Dragon Emperor' (PG-13)
In the Far East, Alex O'Connell (Luke Ford), the son of famed mummy fighters Rick and Evy O'Connell (Brendan Fraser and Maria Bello), unearths the mummy of the first Emperor of Qin (Jet Li) -- a shape-shifting entity cursed by a witch centuries ago.

The first 'Mummy', a remake of the 1932 Boris Karloff horror movie, was fun and entertaining, and also kinda creepy depending on your age.  The sequel 'The Mummy Returns' was also fun.  This third 'Mummy' movie shifts from Egypt to China, swaps Rachel Weisz for Maria Bello, has the grown up character of Alex O'Connell speaking in an entirely different accent (in 'Mummy Returns' he was 10 and spoke with a British accent.  Here he's in his 20's and speaks in an American accent), and worst of all....it's just plain stupid.  There's an interesting story to be found somewhere in finding a Chinese mummy and also involving the mysterious Terra Cotta army, but this movie fails at that.  I could buy the Terra Cotta army coming to life, I can buy mummies coming back to life...I can buy the man/scorpion hybrid version of the Scorpion King and the Army of Anubis both from 'Mummy Returns'....but I draw the line at yetis.  Yes, this movie has yetis.  Who apparently play American-style football in there spare time because during a fight scene at a temple one yeti kicks a soldier between two posts, with one yeti throwing up his arms indicating that it was good.  UGH.

It was also disappointing critically and commercially, and plans for a fourth movie have since been abandoned in favor of a reboot.  Since everything gets rebooted nowadays....





 'National Treasure:  Book of Secrets' (PG)
Benjamin Gates (Nicolas Cage) must kidnap the President of the United States, travel the world, and  follow a clue left in John Wilkes Booth's diary to prove his ancestor's innocence in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. 

I liked the first 'National Treasure'.  It was basically a kids version of 'The Da Vinci Code', but it's also interesting and fun.  Everything good about the first movie seems to have been forgotten in this sequel.  Some of the clues are painfully obvious to figure out and some of the clues are just flat out preposterous (a clue in french carved onto the torch of the statue of liberty in Paris? if anybody really looked at it close they could've found it and baffled about it).  I know the first one had preposterous clues as well but they're plausible compared to the clues in this sequel.  There is no suspense or fun to be had since Nicolas Cage automatically figures out the clues.  And, sadly, the movie isn't much fun to watch anyway.  Many parts could have been fleshed out a little more (like actually kidnapping the president and planning it out?  like actually having Ed Harris' bad guy possibly working for the Knights of the Golden Circle to have the South rise again rather than just in it to have his family name be etched in history?) I guess that would make too much sense.  And having been there before, I feel a need to say this:  THERE IS NO LAKE DIRECTLY BEHIND MOUNT RUSHMORE!!!!!

There has been talk of a third 'National Treasure' movie for years.  But who knows if it'll actually get made. 




 'Scooby-Doo 2:  Monster's Unleashed' (PG)
Mystery Inc. must save Coolsville from an attack of past unmasked monsters brought to life by an evil masked figure trying to "unmask" the gang. 

I liked the first 'Scooby-Doo' movie.  It's not perfect by any means but I thought it was funny, all the actors acted like their cartoon counterparts, and it raised the stakes to actually having to save the world from an actual supernatural force as opposed to a man in a mask scaring people from a building or wherever.  But Zoinks!  This movie was like, really bad man.  Except for Shaggy and Scooby-Doo, every other returning character seems to have had a personality change since the last movie.  The jokes aren't really all that funny, the special effects are terrible, and it gets bogged down in subplots and side hijinks that really don't pertain to the main story at all.

Failing to make as much money as the first movie, a third 'Scooby' movie was scrapped.  Two direct-to-DVD live action prequels were made...and I've only seen part of the first one and it was even worse than this. 






'Spy Kids 3-D:  Game Over' (PG)
Carmen (Alexa Vega) is caught in a virtual reality game designed by the Kids' new nemesis, the Toymaker (Sylvester Stallone). It's up to Juni (Daryl Sabara) to save his sister, and ultimately the world.

The first two 'Spy Kids' movies were fun, spy movies for kids too young to watch James Bond.  The first two still hold up as passable family entertainment.  The third one........well, 'Game Over' indeed.  Horrible CGI, bad writing and a horrible villain are just too much to overcome.  This was released in 2003, way before the current 3D craze hit Hollywood.  And from what I remember it was the Red and Blue glasses type of 3D.....and the 3D in the movie was bad.  Watching it in 2D is 'slightly' better....in the same way that getting punched in the arm is better than being punched in the gut.  This was so bad that I still haven't even seen 'Spy Kids 4' yet....which I've heard is even worse. 




'X-Men:  Days of Future Past' (PG-13)
Oh yes....I'm putting this movie on this list.  It is FAR from over between 'X-Men:  Days of Future Past' and me.  I haven't been this mad about a movie's critical acclaim since the one-two punch of 'American Hustle' (ugh) and 'Dallas Buyers Club' (yawn).  If this movie was at least entertaining then I'd be able to overlook it's numerous flaws and plot holes.  But apart from the scene of Quicksilver helping Magneto escape from the Pentagon, it wasn't entertaining.  I'll go more in depth with those flaws and plot holes in my next 'Movie Nitpicks' post.  But anyway, everything that made 'First Class' great was severely absent in this sequel.  I know in my review I said that it was better than 'Origins', but the more I've thought about it the more I'm kinda wanting to reverse that decision.  'Origins' sure is dumb but I thought it was watchable and it didn't make me mad.  This movie makes me mad.  And I'll say it:  'X-Men:  Days of Future Past' is the worst 'X-Men' movie.  I just hope 2016's 'X-Men:  Apocalypse' is better than this.  



Any other movie sequels that you thought sucked?

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